Dating dont peck
Here’s another example: a friend of mine, when he found out that his longterm girlfriend had been cheating on him, called up another one of our close female friends for support, and to ask her advice about what he should do.At one point in the conversation, he said to her, “I can’t imagine being with anyone except [my girlfriend.] Well, except maybe you.” This was a bit awkward, especially since she happens to be married.I gave him my number, he walked me to my door and kissed me goodnight (NOT just a friendly kiss on the cheek! He called me the next day and asked me out to coffee. I used to believe that there was no such thing as leading someone on.When we did meet for coffee, at one point, I referred to it as a “date.” When I said this, he looked surprised, shook his head, and said, “No, no, you have the wrong idea. I just thought you’d be a cool person to hang out with.” I was shocked, and incredibly let down. But as soon as you made a move, or made your interest more explicit, they acted like they had no idea what was going on. I am of the opinion that you are in charge of your interpretations of outside events, and that if you interpret a friendly interaction as sexual, when it wasn’t intended that way, that’s on you. However, while that’s true, I’ve come to realize that it’s not so simple, and that there is definitely such a thing as leading someone on. There are many ways to lead people on; a boss could lead an employee on with the promise of a promotion, for example.
So while it can feel really crappy when someone leads you on, it’s not a reason to get angry at them. More importantly, they are not doing it because they have power, they are doing it because they are lacking some “power” somewhere in their lives, and they are grasping at a way to feel better.
Like I said, I have a lot of clients tell me that they think they are bad at reading signals because they had had people flirt with them, and then turn them down.
In most cases, though, their instincts were correct, and they were picking up on the flirting–even when the person leading them on wasn’t doing it consciously or on purpose!
If someone changes their mind, that does NOT mean they were leading you on.
Well, it’s not because some people are cruel, evil, or manipulative.